Joshua Denney

Catalyst for Change

Category: Featured (page 2 of 3)

Band Names That Kick Ass

My brother and I thought of some band names:

reduced to clear
2wb
absent intelligents
priceless
salvage silicon
in the life
across the sky
end
schumpfler
laundry thieves
uninvited thought
magic rocks
walk around
workaround
underlying disorders
difficulty learning
all in your mind/head
lack of oxygen
injury acquired
unconsciousness that follows
lost memories
slips and falls
awkward silence
everyone can relate
lack of inhibition
hostile to change
the sense of time and space
potential function
auditory hallucinations
the form of visions
auditory solicitation
faulty learning
rough slide
slideways
number function

If you want to use any of these names, please send money to email at joshuadenney dot com.

The World, Awake in Our Eyes

i’m what they call love
now show me the beauty
i cant feel what others can
not far from watching movies
twisted fiction into fear
that fear is fact and fictions near
retracing steps none needed be
come crossing passing highway scenes
not supposed to show whats their-
-holy hope is never where
should be finding founded slopes
math is it and so are we
interpretation’s highly be
critically analyzing mixmatching clues
the space of an area is hardly the news
but its known and so this is the way it shall be
like adam and the apple and satan and eve
its all fake they all shouted and all they all did cry
its the fakest world they had ever seen by their eye
cant you see it in the eyes theres nothing far beyond
the lakes the rivers the oceans and streams and don’t forget about the ponds
what am i trying to say you say?
saying trying to be is all that i go for and all i can see
the world is upon us
the world feeds from our trees
the words we use to describe
make me weak in the knees
for no better a dream
has this one been described
but for the world as we know it, awake in our eyes

My Guide to the Undiscovered Mind

Sometimes it takes me days to snap out of it. One time, it even took a whole year.

I wake in the morning, midmorning really, and find myself unsure of why I continue. Food is on my mind, hunger down below.

I step outside my box, I breathe the air. The sun feels good, although it does not quite get to me. I speak to myself about what it would be like to wake up with the sun outside on a beach, on the edge of a jungle.

Grapefruits are great to eat — Argh — Phone call. What now? Ahh, menial task, how surprising. I am supposed to be able to concentrate with irregular distractions like this…I see. Fuck.

Yes, they are refreshing. Not too sweet, very juicy and it takes a bit of work to make it all happen.

The rain. Will it ever stop testing my willpower?

Each day you learn something new about people, even if it is something you learn from your own behavior.

Making generalities will be the death of me. You cannot decide one person’s fate by using vague statistics and trends or by speculating with your opinions. A fool told me that once. I take it to be true.

Their insistence that I ‘do my job’, it irritates me. What waste of life have I allowed myself to become? 5’9, almost 200lbs of one I suppose. From who’s perspective, though?

Is it me, is it me, oh is it me?

I struggle to find any real emotion, any some thing that I am passionate about. I lack direction.

The ease and security she is attracted to, it has diminished over time. Each step I make backward I feel myself getting weaker and not as secure. I can no longer exude the same confidence I was once able to. My physicality is lacking, I am unhappy in my job and my housing situation has taken a major hit. Once on top of the world, now a mere shadow of my former not-as-cliché self.

When they believed I had won the lottery they reached out. Some failed in their attempts to seem genuine. I’m preparing them, as well as myself, for the future, haha.

Every time I do something that goes against what my ideal course of action might be, I stray from my path. The path of growth, of enlightenment, it is not an easy path to keep on. You must always be reaffirming your beliefs and ideals, always building and staying focused.

Time will unravel the eventual outcome of every moment that has been had in my life. The overall picture is never very close to you when you need it, just slightly out of reach, out of focus.

Why do we rarely speak the truth? I think the answer lies in our inability to discern the real emotions from the false emotions. Of course both are real, but the fundamentals of each are very different. A base emotion-fear-it can exist, with no prejudice. Take a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, and you can easily have the emotion of fear, but it would be ‘false’ given that you don’t fully understand the situation and there may actually be nothing to fear. Is there a way to fully understand (on what terms? Scientific? Spiritual?) every situation, every reaction a human being can make? If you could, would you cease to emote or would it be a truer form of emotion, an enlightened state of being? Does it really matter?
Or is it that we are worried of what damage our image might take if we stray from the tidy box we’ve presented ourselves to be?

What have I realized at the end of the day? Not quite sure, really. I’ve got this vague idea of what I might like to do, this plan of what I want to be, but it does not seem to materialize. A key ingredient, action, is missing. Action on what though? The plan isn’t really a plan and the idea is a vague one. Pretty basic.

Conventional, contemporary, conservative, don’t stray too far. Radical ideas without radical action. Grand schemes and wild dreams, yet nothing makes them happen. Not for lack of actual ability, but lack of willpower, of drive.

The conscious mind vs. the sub-conscious mind. The sub-conscious allows us to live, to really feel like there is something wonderful going on while the conscious mind acts as our security, our monitor, our public relations guy. Things you are good at, passionate about, they become harder to get to as the conscious mind messes you about. They would have you believe you must act a certain way, appropriately for each situation.

Is your subconscious able to foresee the future or is it just good at predicting outcomes or is it just good at letting you know what you actually feel? Either of the last two could be called foreseeing the future, because one would never actually ‘see’ it.

Is it an ability to see the future or does it merely condition you to shape the future to your liking and/or expected outcome? Expected outcome? Future? What is the actual difference between those two? One may not be the same as the other but, if the expected outcome was based on very accurate observations and judgments, could it not be the same? Is that the limitation we must overcome to move forward?

Limitations in our psyche ultimately dictate our physicality and our general limitations in life. If you could have no limit to what your mind could achieve, could your body be able to match up to that? 90lb weaklings turn into 200lbs muscle men while other people gain hundreds of pounds (of fat), single-handedly or with little guidance (or lack thereof). The human race has accomplished so much compared to what it typically agrees it can accomplish. The general consensus is that we can accomplish ‘only so much’ and that we are limited. Who are these anomalies in life, these people who exceedingly surpass all typical human beliefs while moving our entire world forward? What was it that allowed them to break the typical barriers of thought?

We limit ourselves – the conscious mind – remember? To consciously say or think we have limitations is a defense mechanism of the conscious mind, much like the defense mechanism kicking in when we need to lie about our true feelings to save face. We cannot understand this situation well because we are very much immersed in it. Just like you cannot see your forehead without a mirror, you cannot see your condition (of this defensive limiting) without an external guide or clue to gain you a different or greater perspective.

When we are children we have open minds, impressionable, limitless. That magical feeling when you watched science fiction (believing it could be real) or peter pan flying (knowing you could do it with some practice) is the young conscious mind, not so set in his ways, not so judgmental or adverse to new and perhaps illogical ideas. Very few systems exist to curb our actions and thoughts beyond what our environment has told us thus far (depending on age and experience, possibly very little). Along with this lack of thought methodology you have negatives (or are they) because learning things like ‘fire burns’ or ‘electricity shocks’ can be useful and, of course, have been helpful in your surviving life. Intelligence is partially structural, or made up of many systems to help test life to learn. Imagination is non-linear and can help surpass those systems, to search for something else and may or may not return something useful. Both are probably necessary to development of the mind. One could not have a sense of progression without a system to gauge the process. Systems measure things, restrict things, guide you in learning, and help you feel solid and grounded in knowing them. Imagination sets you free…freedom of thought can help break through inaccurate or out-dated systems. It can help you deal with complex thoughts and feelings on death and life itself, it’s meaning.

In searching for this meaning of existing or understanding of the mind, I’ve yet to truly ‘know’.

We all exist in the very physicality of our being. If you were to believe that someone is there, whether you are or not, you are saying that the world exists and your mind tells you that it does, when you come upon it. If you were to believe that the mind translates thoughts and feelings and creates this ‘world’ you may have a looser definition of life. Somewhere in between is probably the truth.

When you are younger, getting to that age where you look forward (because much of our time in youth is spent in the moment, don’t you agree?) you tell yourself these feelings or ideas, these ways of being that you wish to keep dear to you and bring with you through life. Along the way you learn, you grow, you change. Your environment changes, the rest of the world changes. You change your ideas to match these changes.

Is the core of our being linked to keeping core values consistent with someone we were at 18 years of age? This supposed search for ‘who we are’, does it really ever end in a one-sentence answer? Is there a word or name that clearly defines you as a person, as a being of this world?

Is this merely a diversion created by my conscious or sub-conscious mind (not sure who’s winning at this point) or are these all valid considerations in my quest to better understand myself and the world around me? To move myself forward, are these things necessary? If not absolutely necessary, would they help?

I spend time reading the help wanted sections when I know I’ll never fit into any of the jobs offered. Why do I waste my time? Seeking an easier alternative to the one you know you must take? Hard work lies ahead, accept it and go.

On the other hand, perhaps it’s to serve as a reminder. It reminds me that I will never fit into any of the jobs offered. Get it?

If everything I’m discovering has already been discovered, what purpose does it serve? To know the method or process in which they came to these conclusions? Purpose to me only, purpose to anyone else, probably nil.

Please disregard any spelling and grammar mistakes as this is my mind’s ramblings, not intended for public consumption.

We focus so much on making large impacts upon the world that sometimes we forget how much a single gesture to another human being can mean.

Stop making excuses for what you know to be the way it must be.

Most of you can’t understand me. I have spent many years involved in what I like to call ‘life’. That wasn’t funny. I like this and that and the other thing, you like the same perhaps? How can we get to a level where we can be descriptive with ourselves and actually understand each other? Most people will not understand when I tell them who I am. I cannot tell them this. They cannot comprehend this. The English language does not allow me to speak words that describe what is involved in my head. I can say something vaguely reminiscent of how I feel, what I like. I can do that. When does it ever lead to the truth though? Not very many times, I will tell you that. So maybe a monk I shall be. No. I can do it, I can explain and emote and describe.

Words cannot contain the feeling that the body can give off to someone while describing their feelings. Words will be subjective but can have feeling, not feelings specific, but feelings indeed. Poetry is an example. Songs, nope, they have music, music creates a mood all by itself.

Why am I telling myself about things I already know about? Pouring my mind onto the screen?? Or are you reading this, you aren’t me, you are someone else and you wonder what is next…what will I give you?

Token friendship is not appreciated. Stars are not as bright where city lights outshine them. I know this because I spent time on the picnic table behind my house; I looked up and saw the truth. The very moment you are in now, this moment, is the moment in which you will be able to experience whatever truth there is to be seen. This is key to the potential of life itself. Embracing what truth you can find in these moments to help bring about more moments.

What is the truth now? It’s been much too long ignoring what you want to do with yourself. While benefits do come and definitely do go, it’s been much too long.

Why don’t we ever do things that come naturally to us? We inhibit our abilities and opportunities by not allowing this to happen. We hide and do not foster these skills, allowing them to sometimes wither away. Are all these observations directed at myself, others or both?

Do I live in my thoughts? Do I need to be better connected to the world I seek to understand? They say to live in ‘the moment’ but what if the moment sucks and my thoughts offer more fun, excitement, or worth? What if the thoughts offer a greater understanding of the realities? Of the future or of things yet to be discovered? Great truths unearthed and all it took was a year or so of solitude.

I think this time spent thinking is apart of what I’ve been seeking, perhaps all of my life. I’ve always known certain things, I felt others might not know…or maybe they just preferred to live in denial or in spite of their thoughts? Are they happier? Or am I smarter for dealing with it quicker than they? I guess it depends on your point of view, and whether you were happy or not.

Obviously I’m not happy. I feel I have all of these pieces to a puzzle that is the successful and happy life I know I will live, but I cannot seem to make them fit. Perhaps it is the unwillingness to try because of the chance they may not fit perfectly.

Fear of making mistakes? Of change?

Change is the number one thing you need to embrace. Life is not static, it’s dynamic. Always changing to fuck you up when you least expect it. You see, change happens without warning. You are not in the loop. You do not get updates on what it will do next. Change happens and you don’t even know it is happening.

The change is telling you something. Maybe even SCREAMING AT YOU! It says ‘adjust yourself accordingly, bitch; or else!’.

Fuck this.

So I Said to Her

Your positive growth will begin with this: believing in the fact that you can change, you can better yourself and that there is a better future ahead for you…

…the future you want (or at least close to it)!

You must believe that you can do better and you can fix things. If you do not believe this or want to believe it, you cannot even begin to believe in the things you will need to commit yourself to, for the changes to occur.

So first, trust me when I say you will solve your problems. You will be truly happy and be able to talk to people without feeling like you are putting on a show. You will be happy with your job or at least understand its purpose for your future. You will be happy with your appearance, which will give you confidence, which will give you better opportunities to meet more suitable people for friendship, etc.

You will have more energy and won’t feel tired all the time, you will want to be more active, bringing you closer to other new people to socialize with. This will make you happier and you will see the benefits of your good health all over your life. People will notice and this will give you confidence, which will bring about a good self-image and even greater things in life.

You cannot change the past.

You can make changes today that will positively affect your life now, and in the future.

The Art of Understanding

I seek to understand.

All my life I’ve been trying to understand. Everything.

I’ve been trying to understand simple things like radios and walkmans and more complex things, like relationships and human behaviour in general.

In most situations, I don’t follow the normal route of action or reaction, because I want to understand its insides and unbiased results of my alternate route.

Some people call this strange or weird. I suppose it is. If nothing else, it is not ordinary, and that is against which everything is judged, is it not?

Is it merely a tendency of thoughtful insight? Is it an abnormal hunger for something I’ll never be able to attain? Is it the way I learn, or is it learning itself?

I’ll tell you what it is.

All my life I’ve been searching for reasons. The reasons I never knew my parents as parents together, but parents apart. The reasons why I felt like I didn’t belong. The reasons why I didn’t have to try too hard…yet should have tried so much harder.

Justification?

Anyone can justify anything. Virtually anything can be related to anything else.

Forget that for now, because we need to understand.

Understanding is relative of course, but we’ll forget that too. Let’s just say understanding is absolute.

Perhaps this is my ‘seek to be understood’ phase?

True understanding is not easily gained. Often we say we understand, only to scratch the surface of the given issue’s complexities. I believe a paradigm shift must occur for true understanding to occur.

A person must rearrange their beliefs in favour of new and unfamiliar ones. The mind must be absolutely open to accept that another way, beyond your current path, is possible.

The Art of Understanding is made up of many parts. Here are some of the points I will touch upon in my quest to (understand and) be understood:

The Empty Cup – Live as though you can fill your mind with knowledge at any given moment.

The Message and the Medium – The path you must take towards understanding must follow some assumed constants. A message can be overshadowed by improper use of a certain medium of communication.

Listening and Sensitivity – Inflections in the voice, tone, body language, rhythm and the words you choose to use are all apart of active listening for greater understanding. Being sensitive to minor abnormalities or changes gives you greater insight into the true meaning of what is being communicated.

The Sum of the Parts – Understanding how smaller parts fit together to create or make a larger entity or situation will bring you closer to an understanding of the sum.

Think Like Them – Role playing, judging actions and reactions, understanding character and motivation, incentives for behaviour and their processes to better understand the world. Knowing your subject allows you to execute your skills effectively.

The Tidy Box – Your perfect image, their perfect image. Each play off each other, causing a lifetime of inaccurate responses and feelings. Break away from your tidy box and see through theirs.

Look From the Outside, In – Keep a good perspective as though you were not immersed in the situation. Seeing how the greater picture of how things relate to each other and how they might affect each other will only prove to improve your understanding.

Think From the Inside, Out – Understanding the core values that make up your own and other people’s true selves will help you gauge motivation and bias.

Find the Pattern, Break the Pattern – Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is crazy. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is crazy.

Learn, to Teach – We often push ourselves, or force ourselves into a different state of insight when we take the perspective of a teacher. Whatever we are seeking to understand, will often come through stronger when using this technique.

Imagine – There is no greater weapon than this, to be used in the path towards understanding.

Changes are Constant – Changes must be embraced. Change is important for growth.

These are only brief explanations. I will expand and give examples to illustrate each idea.
Does this make any sense so far?

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